Monday, February 10, 2014
Mom Confessions - Co Sleeping
I touched on this, the first week I introduced this series. But this week I will go into more detail.
I let my son sleep in our bed. Almost every single night. We did co-sleeping most of his baby years.
Now... I have always been a sucker for the sleeping thing. I tried the whole "let them cry it out" method for about.... a week. Maybe. I decided it wasn't for me.
They say the cry it out method will help your child in the long run... and will teach them to fall asleep on their own and it will have... whatever effects.. I really don't know. To be honest... I tried it because it's what worked for some people in my family. And I listened to them a lot for advice.
But it was terrible. It made me feel terrible. I hated it.
So I stopped.
I mostly stopped for selfish reasons. I will be honest.
I stopped because I knew he would grow out of this eventually.
He would eventually stop needing me.
well... he would stop needing me this way.
He would one day not want to be my baby. And I would miss it.
So I decided.... rather than force him of sleeping independently... I would just let him need me. And the whole independent thing would come on its own.
And for the most part it has. Some nights... he still needs me to lay with him until he falls asleep. But most nights he falls asleep on his own... without a peep.
However, he still comes into our bed. he groggily walks into our room between 2-3 am every single night and climbs in and sleeps with us. I am in no rush to make this stop either. People tell me repeatedly I need to make him sleep by himself and I am not helping him by letting him do this.
But really what am I hurting?
What teenagers sleep withe their parents?
I remember crawling into my parents room when i was little and I assure you I have no issues as an adult because of it.
I do baby him a little bit in this area. I see it. So I know if I see it... others can definitely see it. But I see my baby disappearing. Slowly but surely... he is going from toddler to kid... and I am barely hanging onto that toddler. With a grip so tight that I can barely feel my fingers most days. But its slipping. My baby is growing up. So these few last things he holds onto... I hold onto more.
No prat of me thinks that parents that have their kids stay in their beds are wrong. I don't think there is a wrong way in this. I just know which way worked for me. But I have been told repeatedly why I should not be allowing this. But I don't care.
And that's just it... it worked for me. I make most of my motherhood decisions on what works for me. I obviously think about Maddux... without saying. But I also think about what works for me. A lot of the time I do take the easy way out. I do. I don't feel all that guilty about it. Because I believe that most of us moms take the easiest way for us.
I am busy. I work... I don't get to spend all day with my kid. I feel guilty about that. Really guilty. That is my biggest issue as a parent. Feeling guilty because I work. But I have to work... so I have to get over the guilt and make the best of it. Which means... I get about 3 hours a night with Maddux. Because bedtime routine starts around 8 pm. and since I don't get home until after 5...
Well... just more reasons on why I allow my kid to sleep in our bed. More time spent together... more time connecting... it makes me feel better. Makes me feel like I am missing out on less. In a weird sort of way.
So really this post is controversial. People tend to go back and forth with this topic... and people are either very against this topic. In all honesty. I am neither. I am just telling you what I do.
And I do it without researching pros or cons. Because I will keep saying it. Parenting is about doing your best. Going with your gut feeling. There is no right or wrong answer... its all just... what works best for us... what feels right... and there its not black and white. Its never a clear answer.. Its a lot of guesses... a lot of jumping in and just crossing your fingers you do one thing right. Just one thing.
At the end of the day... if your kid is happy. And smiles at you... and says "I love you Mommy"
You are doing it right.
No matter what those books tell you.