At this point, my husband panics. He is literally no help in this situation at all. He is usually calm and easy going... until he thinks we could possibly having a baby and then all reasoning just goes out the window. He literally ran around our house up and down the stairs in mad chaos. and I thought for sure he was packing stuff to get ready. So while he did that... I grabbed my hospital bag... and the baby bag. I got Maddux dressed. Got shoes on him... and then I look at Jerry and say... are you ready? and he replies yes. So we get in the car... and i was like do you have the camera? the video camera? and your wallet? and he just... stared at me. with this blank stare... and it took him literally 7 seconds to process. Nope. he does not. so then he ran back in disappeared for a while and then ran back out...completely out of breath. we back out of the driveway and he realizes.... He still does not have his wallet. so we have to go back....
I honestly have no idea what this guy just did for the past 45 minutes. He did not grab clothes. or cameras. or wallets... he literally grabbed nothing. However, he ran around our house like a mad person. So I just ask him.... what did you do while running around???? and he looks back at me and says ... very seriously... I think I just .... ran up and down the stairs repeatedly.
Well okay then...
So we get to the hospital... and its about 10 pm at night. Maddux is somehow wide awake... and filled with energy. I am annoyed... and feel like we are wasting our time... and Jerry is still recovering from the mini marathon he just put on back at home. They get us in... hook me up to machines... and then it all begins.
Hudson was dipping very low... consistently.. which was concerning... so they said, well we are going to keep you overnight and observe this and see if this gets better. So we had to call my mom to come get Maddux... She got there around... 1AM if i remember right... Maddux was still. WIDE AWAKE filled with energy. I felt bad for her... that kid was not going to sleep any time soon. I kept telling her that I would be home tomorrow and I am sorry for the inconvenience and Jerry kept correcting me because apparently the nurse had said they would be taking the baby at some point that weekend... but i refused to acknowledge it. I was just convinced I was going home.
So we finally fell asleep around... 2AM. and was woken up two short hours later... with the nurse saying. Okay Dr Michael is on his way... and we will be performing a c-section in about an hour.
..... Umm What?
This is the worst way to be woken up. Let me tell you.
She preceded to say that Hudson kept dropping and they aren't sure why he was in distress but it was enough that they wanted to get him out to avoid any issues.
Well I have never had surgery. And the c-section that was scheduled for 2 weeks out was already giving me nightmares... almost daily. so giving me one hour to prepare... was terrible. I was scared to death. And i didn't get time to wrap my head around it. because once they came in... they start prepping you for surgery. Here Fawn... please drink this... Here Fawn please sign these forms... etc etc.
Then they take you into the room for the c-section... and i realized okay... Jerry stopped following at some point. So then I am panicking in my head. All I wanted at that moment was him in the room. but instead... he was waiting outside until they got me prepped. Those 20 minutes or however long it was...it felt like 2 hours. I am sure it was just a few minutes... While they are poking your back with the most painful needles telling you not to move... relax your shoulders while i just stab you repeatedly with this... meanwhile doctors and nurses are moving about the room discussing weekend plans... gardening ideas... what movies they are going to see. etc etc. and its just... overwhelming...
Finally... Jerry came into the room. And it began.
I actually hated this experience. Maybe because i wasn't ready. Maybe because it was different because he was a few weeks early. But i remember hearing Hudson cry... and everyone talking about the baby... I couldn't see. and all i wanted to do was see my baby. They asked Jerry to come over to the baby... and he was sweet enough to not at first go because he knew it was killing me to not see him... so he didn't get up until i was like... go ... go see him. :) and finally which seemed like an hour... Jerry brought him over... I got to look at him... and kiss him...and finally meet Hudson.... but just for a few minutes. because he was having some breathing issues they had to take him to the special care nursery.
Hudson was 5 lbs 14 oz. and 20 inches long. He was tiny compared to Maddux. Maddux was almost 9 lbs when he was born... so Hudson was about half the size. So little.
Comes to find out, he was dipping because he had the cord wrapped around his neck and around one of his legs.
So it was like.. they cut me open... took my baby.. and I couldn't see him.
I had to wait there while they put me all back together. I told Jerry to go with Hudson....
So I was there by myself... To which then they wheel you off to a recovery room for a while to sit... and wait. and I still wasn't able to see Hudson. Then after that hour... they finally wheeled me over to see my baby. so i got to be next to him for a bit before going back to my room. They said he was having some issue with breathing. but it might go away on its own. it all depends.... and basically it was a waiting game.
It was terrible to look at him. He looked like every breath he took was hurting him. He was working so hard to breathe. I wasn't to touch him... since he was in distress. and I couldn't handle just sitting there watching him... and nothing I could do to make it better. It was terrifying. We were told to touch his head and his feet... and kind of apply some pressure to calm him. But that was really the only touching we got to do for a day.
Throughout the day i would go in and out of the special care nursery... and he wasn't getting too much better. They ended up giving him some medicine that was to open his lungs... which helped a bit... but he was still struggling.
We had planned on taking Maddux to his first Cubs game that Saturday... before Hudson's surprise arrival on Friday morning. So I told Jerry he should still take Maddux. There was nothing he could do for me or Hudson... so he might as well take Maddux ... give Maddux a day with his dad... and plus. Maddux was announcing "Play Ball" in front of the entire ballpark. How cool is that? I did not want him to miss it.
Saturday morning Jerry left... and about an hour after... the nurse came in... and said... something about him getting worse.. it was a blur. I cant tell you what she said. They were going to try something.. and if that didn't work then he might get transferred. and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was not the one that dealt with this stuff. This was the stuff i needed Jerry for. I ignore bad news... I am not the person who handles it. I avoid it. and I was the only person there .... so i texted my mom. and thankfully her and my sister were in my room within an hour. and from there the day just got worse. because of all the stress... Hudson's lung collapsed. so they needed to put in a chest tube. and I needed to sign.... more paperwork... and the nurses all said a bunch of things... that I again didn't listen to... and i just sat there. It was pretty much an entire day of crying. If someone talked to me... I cried. All i wanted was them to fix my baby... and tell me he was better. Other than hearing those words "Hudson is all better now" I was tired of people talking to me. I was so tired of bad news.
So... they put in the chest tube... and hooked him up to multiple machines... and thankfully.. within a few hours... at least i could see he wasn't struggling to breathe. he was breathing...easier... and he looked like he was finally able to get some rest. He was filled with tubes. Chest tube, breathing tube, feeding tube, the IV, and then all those other machines tracking his heart rate and oxygen.
After the chest tube was in and he was breathing better... and things were improving... They started letting me hold him and doing some skin to skin to help him feel better. Which honestly... probably calmed me down just as much as it calmed him.
The next couple of days all get mixed in together. But the chest tube was in on Saturday... and they took it out on Tuesday morning. They also removed the feeding tube on Tuesday morning.... and over the next few days... they removed everything else. I was released on Tuesday... So Wednesday and Thursday... I came into the Nursery around 7am and left at about 8pm at night.
It was hard... I felt like I didn't see Maddux all week. And Maddux didn't understand why he couldn't meet his baby brother. The whole situation was heart breaking... and I couldn't wait for both boys to be under one roof. There was a lot of momma guilt going on... with each boy.
And by Friday they were allowing him to come home. I was scared... was he ready... Were they sure his lungs were fine? I had a thousand questions for the nurses.
We were assured that there would be no long term affects from this. It was just something that just happened... but luckily... he made a full recovery. And he recovered quick.
He spent one week in the hospital.... and I spent an entire week crying... and worrying and stressing out. I was lucky. Our stay was relatively short compared to some. And my heart goes out to anyone that has to go through the ups and downs of the NICU with their babies...
I realize how lucky we are that we only had to go through this for a week. And I realize women out there go through so much worse... and babies are in there for months upon months.
I only got a tiny dose of what that is like... but that week was the longest week of my life. I could not have survived that week without my husband, my mom, and my sister.
Those three got me through it. Those three were there for me throughout it all. And I am so grateful they were there... so thankful that they let me deal with it the only way I know how... And thankful I had a five year old boy that had no idea what was going on and provided such a happy, energetic distraction.... because I needed those messy face smiles that week more than anything. :)
And that is the story, about how Hudson David Teresi gave us the biggest scare his first week of life :)