Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Dear Maddux



Dear Maddux,

 

I almost cannot even put into words the pride I have felt watching you turn into a big brother. I remember people telling me that sharing would be hard and there would be jealousy… and random things in between. But I had a feeling that they would be wrong. I kept my mouth shut and just nodded in agreement with a smile on my face (because they were trying to warn me of all the things they had experienced between their siblings… or their children) However, I knew in my heart you would be different.

 

You were enamored the day you got to be a big brother. Hudson was in the special care nursery so you were unable to go in and meet him. But the nurses were so kind to give you a step stool so you could stand outside the glass and see your brother. Nurse Jane brought him over… and your face lit up… and immediately you started blowing kisses to your brother repeatedly telling us how cute he was.  Your behavior… your excitement…. Your admiration brought me to tears (maybe it was the hormones… but by now you know your mom is ridiculously emotional and I can cry in an instant) But this moment…  is one of those memories I will never forget. I still remember that moment vividly as if it just happened yesterday.

 

I was curious to see if the "newness" of being a big brother would wear off on you. If it would get old… if jealousy would peak through at moments. I am surprised to say we haven't seen a single glimpse of jealousy. Not once. I feel guilty when you ask for something and my answer is… "is in a moment… I have to feed Hudson first" but you just say "okay" and you get it… without any type of resentment… you wait for me to get done.

 

Sure, there are days where you go about your business and pay little attention to your brother. You get lost playing with your toys… and the whole world disappears (which is one of my favorite things about you) But every night… you hug… and kiss your brother. Every morning the first thing you ask about is your brother. Hudson is your first thought in the morning… shortly followed by "I'm hungry" but still… :)

 

You have already placed yourself in the role of his protector. If he cries you want to make sure he is okay. If he whines… you are immediately by his side singing him a song to cheer him up.

 

I can't wait to see what your relationship evolves into. I can't wait for him to get bigger so that they two of you can play together. I can't wait to sit at dinner and listen to your conversations. I can't wait to watch you teach him new things… how to throw a football,  how to ride a bike, etc. You already want to be the one that teaches him everything…

 

I cannot tell you how extremely proud of you I am. Sometimes kids have a hard time transitioning into this role.  And even though I was pretty confident you would transition just as you have… there were a few worried thoughts… 5 years our lives have revolved solely around you. You have been the only child for so long… I wondered if others were right? Would this be hard on you? Would you not understand? Would you be jealous?

 

And every single day you show me that could not be farther from the truth. Every single day you amaze me with your maturity. You share… you play… you sing… you hug… you love your little brother with everything you have.

 

I always write on here about your sweet soul. Your kind spirit. I truly believe you are a unique kid… I thank God every single day for you. You are such a blessing to us. 

 

Love,

Mom
 
 

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Pool Part 2

I had full intentions of sharing some in progress photos with you... and well... I got distracted. (Like normal) So I am back with some in progress photos. We still have a LONG way to go... but its looking a lot better from where we left off.


Alright. So back to our to do list

- Level out the extra dirt - use it to level out the side yard
- Have electrician put in electric line
- Have gas line installed
- Get a heater for the pool
- Build retaining wall around the pool so the yard does not cave in and ruin the pool
- Design and build a deck around the pool
- Plant in front of deck
- Plant something big at end of patio to block site  of the pool
- Stain deck
- Add furniture and Accessories (the fun part!)
- Enjoy pool
- Add Rails
- Finish Retaining wall around patio
- Build steps onto deck
- Plan fire pit area off patio
- More landscaping around the pool/deck area

So a few things about the photos below.

1. the fire pit area is a mess. I threw scrap wood over there and never cleaned it up. so just keeping it real with how it looks right now. Right now we are planning on leveling out the area around... putting down sand and pea gravel. Its a small space. so I am trying to figure out how to make it work...

2. We currently have a little bench i set up as a pretend step onto the deck. I'm not entirely sure what we are doing in this area either. which is why only a portion of the retaining wall is built. I have a lot of configuring to do...

3. This deck will look so much better with rails and stain. Just wait.

4. My deck upstairs is bare now that I stole all the furniture. Now I need to find something to go up there...

5. We decided to take a break and enjoy the pool for a few weeks... After the Fourth of July we are hoping to get working on the fire pit area... finishing up the retaining wall ... adding the rails.. and maybe staining the deck :) It will be a busy July!

6. If any of you are curious.. this is taking up basically our ENTIRE back yard. But luckily we are on a corner lot... so we have a ton of yard over there for the kids to play... we are considering building a playhouse over in that area... we also use the side yard for bags ... baseball practice... and volleyball :)

But enough explaining... Here is the in progress photos of our back yard as it currently stands.




Here is the view looking down from the top deck... I'm not entirely sure on the furniture set up. I figure once we get rails up... I will re-arrange it again.

Here is the view looking from the patio

Here is the view from the side yard

Here's that disaster area i referenced above ;)

And another shot from above showing you the patio/part of the deck/pool/and future fire pit area

I would have loved to do wide stairs all the way across the deck to the patio. However with kids... we need rails and a gate for safety. Maybe once they get a little bigger we could change this up... Who knows what we will be doing by then!

Right now... we have a lot things to do. But enough of it is done that we are able to enjoy it...
Maddux has been living in the pool. I swear ... even in this cool weather we have been having... 70 degrees and he is out there ready to swim! At least we can already see that this was a great investment for our family.


Wednesday, June 3, 2015

We decided to buy a pool...

We decided to buy a pool this past year. To be completely honest... I have never wanted to own a pool and I am not sure where I am on it... still. But Maddux and his dad were begging for one. So I decided to give in and see how it goes... Under the agreement that taking care of the pool is 100% my husbands responsibility  And we got Maddux in swimming lessons so he knows how to swim. Because... pools and kids... FREAK ME OUT!

Our yard is crazy messed up. its a giant hill filled with weeds and craziness. so the idea of not having to worry about the yard is great. However... trying to tie a deck in with our current deck and patio is going to be.... interesting. But I think we finally came up with a plan... In my head it looks good. We will see if that comes across in real life or not.

They delivered the pool a few weeks ago and set up a time for the dig. So after the guys left...
Day 1 of pool installation left us looking at this...








We are going to attempt to design a deck and figure it all out with some help from some family and friends. I like that they dug into our yard so the deck will be relatively low, so I feel like it will fit in a bit more with the stone patio. We will see how it all goes over the next month.

And because I like lists... Our to do list is as follows

- Level out the extra dirt - use it to level out the side yard
- Have electrician put in electric line
- Have gas line installed
- Get a heater for the pool
- Build retaining wall around the pool so the yard does not cave in and ruin the pool
- Design and build a deck around the pool
- Build flower boxes between patio and deck
- Plant something big at end of patio to block site  of the pool
- Stain deck
- Add furniture and Accessories (the fun part!)
- Enjoy pool

It is quite the to do list... and because we are doing so much of it ourselves it will take some time.
This week we have someone coming out to move the dirt on the side of the house and we went out and bought all the materials for the deck and retaining wall.

We are hoping to get a good head start on the deck this week. And hopefully the week after that we can get the electric and gas going... and finally start enjoying the pool!
Fingers crossed for us. A lot of things have to come together to get it finished within the next few weeks!

Anyone love building decks? Anyone feel like just volunteering time to come over?

No??? Figured as much... Guess we need to get started...




Monday, May 18, 2015

Hudson's Birth Story

So Thursday April 16th, I was having light contractions throughout the night. I had even told my mom earlier... I might have to make a trip into the hospital... because they were pretty consistent... but I was just thinking I was being paranoid and crazy. So that night... they got worse... and I was laying on the couch in pain... and my husband was trying to reason with me.... "Let's just go in Fawn... have them check it out... better safe than sorry" and I refused. I was so worried about looking like a crazy person... because seriously... my family never has babies early... so I just knew... this was all in my head. Well...  finally he called my doctor... to which he said... have her drink some water... and lay down and see if they slow down. So we did that... and nope they stayed just where they were. So we called him back an hour later and he advised we go into the hospital.

At this point, my husband panics. He is literally no help in this situation at all. He is usually calm and easy going... until he thinks we could possibly having a baby and then all reasoning just goes out the window. He literally ran around our house up and down the stairs in mad chaos. and I thought for sure he was packing stuff to get ready. So while he did that... I grabbed my hospital bag... and the baby bag. I got Maddux dressed. Got shoes on him... and then I look at Jerry and say... are you ready? and he replies yes. So we get in the car... and i was like do you have the camera? the video camera? and your wallet? and he just... stared at me. with this blank stare... and it took him literally 7 seconds to process. Nope. he does not. so then he ran back in disappeared for a while and then ran back out...completely out of breath. we back out of the driveway and he realizes.... He still does not have his wallet. so we have to go back....

I honestly have no idea what this guy just did for the past 45 minutes. He did not grab clothes. or cameras. or wallets... he literally grabbed nothing. However, he ran around our house like a mad person. So I just ask him.... what did you do while running around???? and he looks back at me and says ... very seriously... I think I just .... ran up and down the stairs repeatedly.
Well okay then...

So we get to the hospital... and its about 10 pm at night. Maddux is somehow wide awake... and filled with energy. I am annoyed... and feel like we are wasting our time... and Jerry is still recovering from the mini marathon he just put on back at home. They get us in... hook me up to machines... and then it all begins.

Hudson was dipping very low... consistently.. which was concerning... so they said, well we are going to keep you overnight and observe this and see if this gets better. So we had to call my mom to come get Maddux... She got there around... 1AM if i remember right... Maddux was still. WIDE AWAKE filled with energy. I felt bad for her... that kid was not going to sleep any time soon. I kept telling her that I would be home tomorrow and I am sorry for the inconvenience and Jerry kept correcting me because apparently the nurse had said they would be taking the baby at some point that weekend... but i refused to acknowledge it. I was just convinced I was going home.

So we finally fell asleep around... 2AM. and was woken up two short hours later... with the nurse saying. Okay Dr Michael is on his way... and we will be performing a c-section in about an hour.

..... Umm What?

This is the worst way to be woken up. Let me tell you.

She preceded to say that Hudson kept dropping and they aren't sure why he was in distress but it was enough that they wanted to get him out to avoid any issues.

... Okay.

Well I have never had surgery. And the c-section that was scheduled for 2 weeks out was already giving me nightmares... almost daily. so giving me one hour to prepare... was terrible. I was scared to death. And i didn't get time to wrap my head around it. because once they came in... they start prepping you for surgery. Here Fawn... please drink this... Here Fawn please sign these forms... etc etc.

Then they take you into the room for the c-section... and i realized okay... Jerry stopped following at some point. So then I am panicking in my head. All I wanted at that moment was him in the room. but instead... he was waiting outside until they got me prepped.  Those 20 minutes or however long it was...it felt like 2 hours. I am sure it was just a few minutes... While they are poking your back with the most painful needles telling you not to move... relax your shoulders while i just stab you repeatedly with this... meanwhile doctors and nurses are moving about the room discussing weekend plans... gardening ideas... what movies they are going to see. etc etc. and its just... overwhelming...

Finally... Jerry came into the room. And it began.

I actually hated this experience. Maybe because i wasn't ready. Maybe because it was different because he was a few weeks early. But i remember hearing Hudson cry... and everyone talking about the baby... I couldn't see. and all i wanted to do was see my baby. They asked Jerry to come over to the baby... and he was sweet enough to not at first go because he knew it was killing me to not see him... so he didn't get up until i was like... go ... go see him. :) and finally which seemed like an hour... Jerry brought him over... I got to look at him... and kiss him...and finally meet Hudson.... but just for a few minutes. because he was having some breathing issues they had to take him to the special care nursery.
Hudson was 5 lbs 14 oz. and 20 inches long. He was tiny compared to Maddux. Maddux was almost 9 lbs when he was born... so Hudson was about half the size. So little.
Comes to find out, he was dipping because he had the cord wrapped around his neck and around one of his legs.

So it was like.. they cut me open... took my baby.. and I couldn't see him.
I had to wait there while they put me all back together. I told Jerry to go with Hudson....
So I was there by myself... To which then they wheel you off to a recovery room for a while to sit... and wait. and I still wasn't able to see Hudson. Then after that hour... they finally wheeled me over to see my baby. so i got to be next to him for a bit before going back to my room. They said he was having some issue with breathing. but it might go away on its own. it all depends.... and basically it was a waiting game.








It was terrible to look at him. He looked like every breath he took was hurting him. He was working so hard to breathe. I wasn't to touch him... since he was in distress. and  I couldn't handle just sitting there watching him... and nothing I could do to make it better. It was terrifying. We were told to touch his head and his feet... and kind of apply some pressure to calm him. But that was really the only touching we got to do for a day.






Throughout the day i would go in and out of the special care nursery... and he wasn't getting too much better. They ended up giving him some medicine that was to open his lungs... which helped a bit... but he was still struggling.



We had planned on taking Maddux to his first Cubs game that Saturday... before Hudson's surprise arrival on Friday morning. So I told Jerry he should still take Maddux. There was nothing he could do for me or Hudson... so he might as well take Maddux ... give Maddux a day with his dad... and plus. Maddux was announcing "Play Ball" in front of the entire ballpark. How cool is that? I did not want him to miss it.

Saturday morning Jerry left... and about an hour after... the nurse came in... and said... something about him getting worse.. it was a blur. I cant tell you what she said. They were going to try something.. and if that didn't work then he might get transferred. and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was not the one that dealt with this stuff. This was the stuff i needed Jerry for. I ignore bad news... I am not the person who handles it. I avoid it. and I was the only person there .... so i texted my mom. and thankfully her and my sister were in my room within an hour. and from there the day just got worse. because of all the stress... Hudson's lung collapsed. so they needed to put in a chest tube. and I needed to sign.... more paperwork... and the nurses all said a bunch of things... that I again didn't listen to... and i just sat there. It was pretty much an entire day of crying. If someone talked to me... I cried. All i wanted was them to fix my baby... and tell me he was better. Other than hearing those words "Hudson is all better now" I was tired of people talking to me.  I was so tired of bad news.

So... they put in the chest tube... and hooked him up to multiple machines... and thankfully.. within a few hours... at least i could see he wasn't struggling to breathe. he was breathing...easier... and he looked like he was finally able to get some rest. He was filled with tubes. Chest tube, breathing tube, feeding tube, the IV, and then all those other machines tracking his heart rate and oxygen.



After the chest tube was in and he was breathing better... and things were improving... They started letting me hold him and doing some skin to skin to help him feel better. Which honestly... probably calmed me down just as much as it calmed him.




The next couple of days all get mixed in together. But the chest tube was in on Saturday... and they took it out on Tuesday morning. They also removed the feeding tube on Tuesday morning.... and over the next few days... they removed everything else.  I was released on Tuesday... So Wednesday and Thursday... I came into the Nursery around 7am and left at about 8pm at night.





It was hard... I felt like I didn't see Maddux all week. And Maddux didn't understand why he couldn't meet his baby brother. The whole situation was heart breaking... and I couldn't wait for both boys to be under one roof. There was a lot of momma guilt going on... with each boy.

And by Friday they were allowing him to come home. I was scared... was he ready... Were they sure his lungs were fine? I had a thousand questions for the nurses.

We were assured that there would be no long term affects from this. It was just something that just happened... but luckily... he made a full recovery. And he recovered quick.
He spent one week in the hospital.... and I spent an entire week crying... and worrying and stressing out. I was lucky. Our stay was relatively short compared to some. And my heart goes out to anyone that has to go through the ups and downs of the NICU with their babies...

I realize how lucky we are that we only had to go through this for a week. And I realize women out there go through so much worse... and babies are in there for months upon months.
I only got a tiny dose of what that is like... but that week was the longest week of my life. I could not have survived that week without my husband, my mom, and my sister.
Those three got me through it. Those three were there for me throughout it all. And I am so grateful they were there... so thankful that they let me deal with it the only way I know how... And thankful I had a five year old boy that had no idea what was going on and provided such a happy, energetic distraction.... because I needed those messy face smiles that week more than anything. :)



And that is the story, about how Hudson David Teresi gave us the biggest scare his first week of life :)

Friday, April 10, 2015

Hudson's Room - Part 4 - Changing Table Area

This was the last completely empty space in the nursery... and finally it's filled!

We ended up grabbing a cheap dresser from Ikea. Found Here.
We stained it (Dark Walnut) and added new Hardware. We decided to use what we had for this space so we threw our changing table cover up on top and hung a green shelf that we have had laying around the basement for quite some time.

Then little by little we started adding a few things...
I had this star bunting I bought off Etsy that I originally thought I would hang from the bookshelves in the corner... but ended up using it here instead.
On top of the shelf we put a snail up there that was painted for me as a kid by my Uncle Dave, a metal initial H, Sophie the Giraffe, a basket filled with changing table essentials, and a hand drawing of Wrigley Field from Uncle Willie.

Below the shelf was luckily filled in with more awesome shower gifts. A homemade blanket from Grandma Jones, a puppy stuffed animal from Nana (one that matches Maddux's favorite stuffed doggie he has had since he was a baby), and the adorable elephant hook holding up those bright green shoes (Thanks Lauren!) :)





We are about 3 weeks away from meeting this little man. And I am getting so excited his room is almost complete. We have a few finishing touches here and there. We are hoping to finalize this week. I will be back with one final post to show off the completed nursery from top to bottom.

I love that this little space was filled in with so many handmade gifts... and personal touches by family and friends.

I can't believe this room will have a baby in it... in just a few short weeks! We are cutting it close with getting this nursery finished!

Monday, April 6, 2015

Milkshake Date with Maddux

Dear Maddux, 

In about a month, you will become a big brother. 
And to be honest... at this moment you could not be more excited. 
You always talk about your new best bud Hudson and all the fun things you will do together. 
You picked out all matching outfits for you and him on our first family vacation this coming summer. 
You kiss my belly every single night and whisper... "Goodnight Hudson" 
and every night that sweet little whisper gets me choked up.... every. single. time.

Even though... I cannot wait for you to meet your little brother. 
I am looking forward to these final days of it just being... Us.
These days of focusing solely on ... just you.

Thank you to Melody Ann Photography for capturing a few moments... while its still just us two. 


























































 Maddux - You will be such an amazing brother. 
I already know you will have your baby brother laughing up a storm with all your silly jokes :) 
You already have your mom and dad cracking up on a daily basis. 

I look forward into seeing you jump into this new role of big brother... 
and without a doubt... I know you will be the best big brother, Hudson is already so lucky to have you. 

Love, 
Mom


 
Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved