Friday, January 13, 2012


I am lucky.

Lucky enough to have a son who makes me realize what life is about. A son that teaches me to live in the moment as much as possible and not take a single second for granted... because it goes by too fast. Lucky enough to have a son that helps me see the good in people... makes me believe in magic... and experience this life through a brand new set of eyes. Lucky enough to have a son... who makes me want to be a better me.... a better me, for him.

Lucky enough to have a husband who supports me. Always. Makes me laugh... when I want to scream... Or cry. And to be honest... who can make me laugh mid yelling... or even crying. I am lucky. I am grateful... he keeps me grounded, or at least... He tries. Lucky enough to know I have a partner forever.... lucky enough to know we are in this together... always

Lucky enough to have a dog who teaches me just what unconditional love is about. A dog that shows me loyalty... lucky enough to have her at home... waiting anxiously for us to walk in that door. And every day... act as if she hasn't seen me in years... tackling with kisses.

Lucky enough to have a Mom who has always let me live my life... and stood there in the background ready to catch me whenever I fall. Lucky enough to have her show me how to live... rather than tell me. Lucky enough to have her tell everyday that she loves me. Lucky enough to say.... I want to be just like her when I grow up .. still to this very day.

Lucky enough to have a sister who knows all of my secrets and never once judges me. Lucky enough to have a sister that even at my worst only sees the best in me. Lucky enough to say I look up to my baby sister. Luck enough to say that I have learned more from her... than she will ever realize

Lucky enough to have a father who teaches me not to take life to seriously. Teaches me to be patient... life has a way of working itself out. Lucky enough to have a father who teaches me to remain humble and never judge a book by its cover. Lucky enough to to have a father that when he misses me puts on home videos of me and my sister just to brighten his day.

Lucky enough to have a step-father that has treated me like his daughter from day one. Lucky enough when I need help... he is the first one to show up. Lucky enough to have him show me just how good fried bologna is. Lucky enough to have him tell me just how proud he is of me every chance he gets.

Lucky enough to have a best friend that I can be honest with. Be myself around. I do not always have to say the right thing... or do the right thing... and she loves me anyways. Lucky enough that when I need it... she is there... Lucky enough that when together she brings the best out of me.

Lucky enough to have a cousin who can cheer my day up with just one look. Lucky enough to be able to call her a best friend. Lucky enough to know that if I ever need a night to hang out and laugh with someone... she is always a safe bet.

Lucky enough to be surrounded by love and encouraging people... Many who are not mentioned. I am lucky enough to have too many people to name... that I am lucky to have. I have 2 awesome step-brothers, Grandparents that have had a huge part in shaping who I am today, a sister in law who is always fun to be around and can make me laugh,  Cousins... that I could not imagine life without... and the best set of Aunts and Uncles then you could possibly imagine... 5 Nieces that are the most beautiful little girls I have ever known... inside and out... each one unique.  Lucky enough to have too many people to mention individually.. because this post would be insanely long. Lucky enough... to realize how lucky I am. and grateful for each person.

Why is it then... that the negative comments... some days can control our thoughts? How come... some days (not all days) does it seem out of our control to dwell on those moments? To feel ridiculed for being ourselves. To be happy and excited about something.... just to have someone knock it down and make you feel bad? We all have those days... and we all have those people and sometimes those closest to us are the culprits. and most of the time I bet they dont even realize it.

It is easy to say... I will only surround myself with positive people... but... sometimes... you don't have the choice. Sometimes those people are people you have to deal with... and you cannot change people, but you can change the way you react to it.

And I think throughout life, I have learned better ways to cope with these issues. And I am trying... trying to do it better. But I feel that it is almost human nature to dwell... To have this ridiculous need to please everyone.. and feel failure when we cannot.

I know that I am a strong person. And I have accomplished dealing with negative comments...Returning negative comments... in a positive way. I have accomplished that. I take a deep breathe... and try to count to five before responding... and it has helped. Because we all make the mistake of putting our foots in our mouths. We have all done it. And I will continue to do it... but I can try to reduce it. We all make mistakes. The heat of the moment will take over at some point. But for the most part... I have actively worked on this.. and I have gotten better.

 However, I have not been able to shake off those negative comments. I let them hurt me. And I dwell on them. Trying to think of how to fix it. And part of me knows... it is impossible. We are who we are, people are who they are. But I still feel this need to fix it. To want to fix it.
My feelings are hurt too easily. I am overly sensitive... this is true.
But how do you change it? is it possible?

Is there a way to learn to honestly shake things off? When someone you care about says something.... hurtful? Can you really ... just. let. it. go?
or does it bother you?
I wish I was a big enough person to shake things off... not let them get to me.
But I can't, no matter how hard I try. I can't. Not when it comes to people I care about.
Do you ever have these moments?
After time... we forget and we move on. But when it happens... it lingers on my mind for a few days.
It is hard to shake off.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy. And I refuse to let anyone take away from my happiness.
But do you find it hard to deal with judgment? or people who tell you that your choices are wrong.. simply because they are different than theirs? Silly right? But sometimes... it is painful
We all have insecurities. We all have them. Every single one of us.
And sometimes those insecurities choose their moments.. and seem to shine through.
That make us question ourselves.
Make us doubt ourselves.

Being an adult is hard.
Being a parent is hard.
Life is hard.

Why do people try and make it harder? We are all facing a struggle... in our own ways. If I choose to make different decisions than you... it is not because I think your way is wrong... but rather I need to figure this out on my own... and do my own thing. Why spend so much time trying to convince me your way is better. It may be better for you... but it might not work for me. We are all different. That's what makes this whole experience beautiful. We get to be different. We get to be us.

And that in itself is a gift.

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