Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Thankful for Friendship

I loved high school, up until my senior year. My senior year was rough. A lot of rumors... and a lot of drama. At that time... there was a break up. Apparently. The. Break. Up. that everyone in the school wanted to have an opinion on... and at the end of the day... I was the bad guy. Because I made the decision... that things were too serious for high school. I remember that being part of the conversation.... because to me... high school was high school. and I was 17. I had no idea what I wanted in life... what 17 year old did? Well... a long story short. It got messy... and ugly... and well rumors flew a and it was hard. Really hard.

I lost pretty much every single one of my friends... because of that break up. And it got to a point where I was done defending myself and decided... I wouldn't fight a single rumor. People were going to believe what they wanted to believe and pretty much nothing I said was going to change their minds so why bother trying. And I moved on... and it was hard. It was probably one of the hardest years I had to go through emotionally. But I worked through it... I made new friends... and I moved forward... and to be honest... in case you are reading this and know me and know that situation... I have no hard feelings not a single one towards anyone... because we were 17. 

They always say that pain brings out strength... That "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings" And to me that was what that was... a new beginning. 

I won't lie. I struggled a lot. I tried so hard to fit in somewhere... anywhere... I lost all my friends and just desperate for someone... anyone... to not want to look at me and judge me on something they most likely didn't know the story behind. Because believe me there was a story. And sitting here at ate 32... what started the worst year of my adolescence... I wouldn't take back one moment of it. 

I am so thankful for that year... that year shaped me. i didn't realize it at that time... but it pushed me... 

Pushed me to be more independent. Also it was a huge slap in the face to not believe things I hear about other people... and rather than listen to someone else's opinion... Get to know new people and make that opinion for myself. 

Every single one of us has a history. And every single one of us has broken someone's heart and/or had ours broken. We have talked behind someone's back. We have lied. We have done something hurtful to someone we care about at some point in our lives. 

That year forced me to start over. To find myself... because I really only had myself. That next year... forced me to be more outgoing. I had to make new friends. I had to put myself out there. I had to learn to let things go... To realize that I can't please everyone... and the hardest lesson... was that regardless people believed what they wanted to believe and there was nothing I could do about it. I had to figure out what made me happy, and love others unconditionally

But because of that year... 

I went to ISU on my own. I tried out for the dance team on my own. Something I would have never done. I made the dance team and a few months later I was moving into my dorm with a roommate I didn't know. I did not know a single person at ISU and it was somewhere I could start over. 

That is where I found my friend Erin. We were different. So different. But I decided I wasn't going to do that here. I would force thing girl to get to know me... . So I kept talking to her anyways. I just pretty much forced my friendship onto her. We were polar opposites in so many ways... in almost every way to be honest. But after wearing her down... and forcing my friendship on her... we became very close friends. We had so much fun together... and I could tell her anything and everything... and she was there 100%. She was there for me through the good times and the bad times... and she was my saving grace and she had no idea. 

She is pretty much what saved my faith in friendship. There was nothing I did that this girl wouldn't support me through. She never would believe a thing that did not come out of my own mouth. We didn't have secrets and she never questioned anything I told her. I am a big believer that college is all about figuring it out... not just what do you want to do with the rest of your life courses... but the emotional, messy stuff. It's where you develop a circle of friends who become your family. The ones you can call at 3AM because you lost the love of your life... and the love of your life is the frat guy you fell in love with 2 weeks ago... and don't even know their last name... and they don't judge you for even being dramatic about how you loved a boy you didn't even know.... College is about the nights where you stay at home with your friends in your pajamas and eat a disgusting amount of chips and salsa and movie marathons. College is about the friends that when you are having a hard time... they drop everything to go out dancing with you because its exactly what you need. They are there for you through it all.

Erin taught me to be myself. And she taught me that even in the bad moments she was going to be there unconditionally. She would stand next to me no matter what. She taught me to be anyone other than me was unacceptable. She never once said "I told you so" and believe me I gave her plenty of opportunities to do so. She supported me and encouraged me to be a better person. She gave me confidence, and I cannot even put into words how thankful I am for her.

Erin pretty much taught me what friendship was about... and she taught me that bad things happen for a reason... and it all works itself out. In the process of giving me her friendship, she taught me how to be a better friend.... and a better person. Erin was my first true friend after high school... and I am not sure how things would have worked out for me without her.

The drama of high school seems so silly now. I am a big believer in figuring out who you are because of that experience. That entire experience taught me to be me... and I will find people who bring out the best in me... and those are the people I should keep around. That true friends stand by you through it all. Even through the mistakes... and being young is... about exactly that... being young. And even though back then I was absolutely positive my entire life was over (not dramatic at all) ... now I am ever so thankful.. .Because of that experience and because of her... I found myself.

So thank you Erin, for being a life changing friend.


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