Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

 

I almost cannot even put into words the pride I have felt watching you turn into a big brother. I remember people telling me that sharing would be hard and there would be jealousy… and random things in between. But I had a feeling that they would be wrong. I kept my mouth shut and just nodded in agreement with a smile on my face (because they were trying to warn me of all the things they had experienced between their siblings… or their children) However, I knew in my heart you would be different.

 

You were enamored the day you got to be a big brother. Hudson was in the special care nursery so you were unable to go in and meet him. But the nurses were so kind to give you a step stool so you could stand outside the glass and see your brother. Nurse Jane brought him over… and your face lit up… and immediately you started blowing kisses to your brother repeatedly telling us how cute he was.  Your behavior… your excitement…. Your admiration brought me to tears (maybe it was the hormones… but by now you know your mom is ridiculously emotional and I can cry in an instant) But this moment…  is one of those memories I will never forget. I still remember that moment vividly as if it just happened yesterday.

 

I was curious to see if the "newness" of being a big brother would wear off on you. If it would get old… if jealousy would peak through at moments. I am surprised to say we haven't seen a single glimpse of jealousy. Not once. I feel guilty when you ask for something and my answer is… "is in a moment… I have to feed Hudson first" but you just say "okay" and you get it… without any type of resentment… you wait for me to get done.

 

Sure, there are days where you go about your business and pay little attention to your brother. You get lost playing with your toys… and the whole world disappears (which is one of my favorite things about you) But every night… you hug… and kiss your brother. Every morning the first thing you ask about is your brother. Hudson is your first thought in the morning… shortly followed by "I'm hungry" but still… :)

 

You have already placed yourself in the role of his protector. If he cries you want to make sure he is okay. If he whines… you are immediately by his side singing him a song to cheer him up.

 

I can't wait to see what your relationship evolves into. I can't wait for him to get bigger so that they two of you can play together. I can't wait to sit at dinner and listen to your conversations. I can't wait to watch you teach him new things… how to throw a football,  how to ride a bike, etc. You already want to be the one that teaches him everything…

 

I cannot tell you how extremely proud of you I am. Sometimes kids have a hard time transitioning into this role.  And even though I was pretty confident you would transition just as you have… there were a few worried thoughts… 5 years our lives have revolved solely around you. You have been the only child for so long… I wondered if others were right? Would this be hard on you? Would you not understand? Would you be jealous?

 

And every single day you show me that could not be farther from the truth. Every single day you amaze me with your maturity. You share… you play… you sing… you hug… you love your little brother with everything you have.

 

I always write on here about your sweet soul. Your kind spirit. I truly believe you are a unique kid… I thank God every single day for you. You are such a blessing to us. 

 

Love,

Mom

 

 

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

You just turned 5 years old...

You are becoming more and more independent by the day and its scary for me. I want to protect you. Keep your innocence... keep that sweet soul intact.
I am fearful that public school will harden you. I worry about the affects of other kids. Bullies. Because bullies start young. I don't want them to change you.

I have a 5 year old boy who loves showing affection. Believes in hugging and kissing his parents... lots of snuggling... lots of I love yous. Days are filled with loving affection, kind words, and sweet... oh so sweet... moments.

At 5 we had to take you in for your kindergarten exam already. And it got me thinking... worrying... about things out of my control. And I realize ... I am about to begin a hard chapter as a parent. Learning slowly... over time... the older you get... the more I need to sit back and learn to let things work themselves out. Trust in not only myself, but the little man i have raised.

As a parent, I try so hard to teach you to be kind. Above anything, always be kind. I try and raise the little boy that is nice to everyone. And so far... I have succeeded. I have watched from afar, that you, are kind. So very kind. You go out of your way to give out compliments and affection and I cannot even tell you how proud I am at the age of 5 that you have recognized the importance of being nice.

I worry so much that the world around us will harden you. It's my biggest fear. Peer pressure has to be most parent's nightmare. Bullies... Bullies at the age of 32 are my biggest fear.
I remember how hard it was when I was a kid, and now with social media I can't imagine how much worse it is. Kids grow up so fast... too fast and I love that right now you are exactly where you should be.

I hope that we hold onto these days of make believe. The days of you running around the house in super hero costumes fighting imaginary villains. When i watch you... you jump... maybe 3 inches off the ground... and you look at me.. with those bright eyes.... "did you see that mom??? Did you see that?" because you honestly believe you just jumped 4 feet into the are and used black belt ninja moves to take down the red skull.

I hope we hold onto these days of you lining up all your stuffed animals so that they can all watch your favorite movies along side of you. Where you share your popcorn and whisper to your beloved "candy butt" that this next part... is your "favorite part"

I hope we hold onto these days where you are constantly making up the lyrics to your own songs about dinosaurs, superheroes, candy butt, and your parents.

I hope we hold onto these days where your hand drawn T-Rex must be hung up immediately so all people that walk through our home can stop and admire your latest masterpiece. and if they miss it... you make sure you point it out to them.

I hope we hold onto these days where those art pieces are sometimes so abstract that while I am oohing and ahhing over this incredible new piece of artwork... my heart skips a beat when you say... "what is it?" and i have to try and see what you see... and pray to God i get it right... this time :)

I hope that we hold onto these days when you want to try anything and everything. You love trying new things: swimming, hockey, volleyball, karate, tumbling, piano, music, basketball, t-ball, soccer. Its so exciting to see you get out there and try something new with a big smile on your face. (after you get over the shock of the first day... the first day is always rough)

I hope we hold onto these days filled with snuggles and I love yous.

I hope we hold onto these days of exploration. Days filled with treasure hunts, sword fighting, and avoiding the floor because it's "hot lava"

You are my idea of perfection. You are smart, adorable, silly, charismatic, confident, shy, dramatic, brave, strong, gentle, loud, rambunctious, outdoorsy - yet not a fan of getting dirty, loves making people laugh, always on the go, always jumping off anything you can climb, so overly excited to become a big brother, will say anything to make a girl say "aww", stubborn, obsessed with all things animals, and always willing to try something new.

You are growing up so fast little one.
The past five years have come and gone with a blink of an eye.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

Right now you are 4.5 years old.... tonight you fell asleep against my chest... like you used to when you were a baby. But now... you are half the size of me. I just sit there staring... thinking how did all this time go by so quick, 4 and 1/2 years... and my baby is disappearing a little bit every single day.  It's bitter sweet. I just lay here... praying I don't forget these moments. These little every day moments with you.

A lot of things about you are so much the same as they were 6 months ago. I came home on lunch break today to see you and dad... and there you were... in your batman mask, batman cape, and batman car driving up and down the street... and it just makes me smile. Your love of superheroes... and costumes... brightens my day. You are adorable.

I am so thankful, that when I watch you... you are still sweet, and nice. You care about other people and you go out of your way to be kind to other kids. You are soft spoken... and curious... but never mean. I hope you never lose that. Never stop being curious... and always be kind. No matter what.

You still think planes are airplanes.
You still want me to kiss your boo boos.
You still crawl into our bed (but this has been slowing down)
You still talk to Nala as if she is your best friend.
You still can play action figures for hours.
You still walk around mimicking every single thing your father does.
You still cuddle up with me and watch movies.
You still love spending time with your cousins (aka your best friends)

But there are so many changes... both physically... and emotionally.

You are losing  your toddler look... and I am starting to see you not as my baby.. but as a kid. An actual kid. I still catch glimpses of my sweet toddler... even if those glimpses are mostly while you are asleep and mom is just staring at you... creepily fighting back tears of losing my baby.

You are stubborn. so stubborn. and you argue like no other.
You don't give in... and you don't forget.
You remember every tiny detail i ever say to you... and if i forget... you will remind me... your memory is astonishing.
And you lie. How do kids lie this early?? You test your limits... and you try so hard to see what we will allow you to get away with... 4.5 years old = testing boundaries. at. all. times.
And you are sneaky! Oh so sneaky.... I will say no fruit snacks before dinner, I leave the room just to find you climbing the pantry shelves trying to get the very thing i said no to... and you will in return blame it on Nala. Like that is going to work... and you stick to that story... trying to convince me that its true. sneaky... stubborn... little boy :) I must admit... I love when you blame anything and everything on poor Nala. It cracks me up.

You are getting braver... little by little. You are hesitant and seem to have an internal conflict with trying to be like the bigger kids you watch... however, timid and unsure. You still need reassurance that its okay... but I see that going away very soon.

You just started watching movies other than cartoons a few weeks ago. Your current favorites are ET, Hook, Never Ending Story, and Never Ending Story 2.  Its a nice break for mom and dad... and to be honest we love re-watching movies we loved as kids with you.

We added in a few new things this summer.

You are playing t-ball this year at the boys club... and you are one of the youngest on the team. However, you are blending right in. You swing your bat so hard you are knocking yourself over as you do it. You love batting. Its your favorite part of the game. Fielding... we are still working on. You stand out there in the ready position... but I am curious where your mind is... if you are actually thinking about those action figures you left in the car. Because... you don't move a muscle when the ball is hit :) or you will slowly head over... and watch someone else pick up the ball that was literally 2 steps from you :) and you are all smiles... like you just made the best play in baseball ... just by watching the other kid throw the ball. You are having a blast out there and that is all that matters. And for only being 4 years old... me and dad are quite impressed with how well you are doing... we are looking forward to future summers filled with baseball.

This summer we also got you your first bike. It was a struggle at first to get you on the bike. But one day of riding bikes with your friend, Ian... and now that's all you want to do. And you are getting faster and braver by the day. You haven't figured out how to brake yet. So, rather than hitting the brakes... you steer yourself straight into the grass to force the bike to stop. We will get there though.

This summer you have spent most of the days home with dad. I am so envious of your time together while i am off at work. But its good for you. It gives you guys a chance to hang out and have some much needed one on one time. You two practice a lot of baseball... ride bikes... play superheroes... watch movies... and dig up pet worms for you to keep in your wagon outside (yes, you love collecting new pet worms)

Even though I realize I am slowly losing my baby boy... I am lucky that you are turning into such a great kid. You make me laugh daily... with your goofy personality. You go out of your way to make me and dad happy.... telling us jokes, being silly, and putting on shows for us. I am so thankful for your creativity... you honestly have such a unique little spirit about you. I hope you never lose that quality... your smile is contagious... I can never get enough of that little grin of yours.

Thank you Maddy, for making me smile day after day.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

You are now about 4.5 years old and are in such a desperate rush to turn 5. Everyday you ask if you are 5 yet. I am not ready... not ready at all. The time is moving so quick. My baby boy... is no longer quite a baby anymore.

I don't know how many times I have mentioned your imagination in these letters. I often find myself wondering if this will stick with you throughout your life. If you will end up doing something creative with that beautiful mind of yours. Or if this will fade with age. On weekends you run through every costume in your trunk... one by one every super hero comes out to greet us. And you are in full character with each costume change. You can play action figures for hours... and you recreate battle scenes between good vs evil. It's my favorite thing to listen to. I could listen to you for hours...
I hope you never lose this. I hope you do something wonderful with that beautiful mind of yours... I hope. Either way whatever you end up being... I will be happy... as long as you are happy. But I hope... you put that creative side to good use. I hope you don't lose it.

You still think the jet stream is Superman. You still love light up shoes because they make you run faster. You still salute Captain America when you see the American Flag.

You are innocent and pure. You believe in all things magic. You believe so whole heartedly... it makes me almost believe. The world through your eyes... is beautiful and wonderful... and I never want to look at it any other way...

You have such a pure soul. Its tender and sensitive and you wear your heart on your sleeve. You get your feelings hurt so very easily... and you will go out of your way to make others smile. You love complimenting people... and genuinely care about people around you. I believe that is something rare for someone at the age of 4. You are tender... and I hope you never lose this ever. Ever.

I started these letters to keep track of moments in your life. Capture the small moments... so that they never get lost... So here are a few things you are currently up to.

- You are currently in Karate, Hockey, and T-ball. You just started T-ball and I love watching you and your dad playing catch in the yard any chance you two can get... You had your first hit in your first game this week. Which was super exciting to us. Even though you didn't run to first base as much as you "walked" there slowly and unsure of yourself. You hit off the pitch and not off the T. And your dad was ecstatic.

-You have moved up a level in hockey and every week you get a little bit more confidence and slowly working your way through it... This week they had you pick up your leg and skate on one foot. I won't say it was successful. But you tried it... and it was such a huge step for you. To get outside of your comfort zone and try something new was amazing.

- You are about to test for your orange stripe in karate... The entire 30 minutes of karate you have a smile just plastered on your face. You are in love with karate. However.. they keep trying to get you to yell... and you say "But Ninjas are quiet" Your dad claims we can't disagree with your logic.. .so we figure with time.. you will get louder.

- You just started to learn to ride a bike this weekend, its bittersweet. This is a big wake up call for me. You are getting bigger, and mom is struggling big time. Even though I am so proud of you and so excited for the new adventures... my baby is no longer a baby...

- You have learned to write your name. And can recognize all the letters. You love learning new things in school. And you seem to really listen if Brittanie tells you anything. Pretty much everything she says is Gold. Like for example... Mom has tried to spike your hair for the past 4.5 years and you fight me on it... to where I have almost given up. Brittanie did it.. and now you love it and you want your hair done like that every single day. (because Brittanie likes it that way) It's the beginning of it fore me... i realize you are going to do things like this all of your teenage years... I didn't realize it would start at age 4.

- For me to get you to eat anything... I have to pretend to call Pam (daycare teacher) and have her pretend to tell me how to make ... everything. Then if you think I made the taco according to Pam's precise instructions... then you will eat it. I am picking my battles here... I'll just let you think I am talking to her about it... when in reality... I am holding a dead phone up to my ear talking to myself. But hey... It gets you to eat it... so in the end.. I win.

Maddux... you are honestly such a happy kid. Such an easy going... just plain happy kid. You have this energy about you that is just contagious. Your smile can brighten my worst day... and your giggle is by far the best sound I have heard in my lifetime. I am hoping that at the age of 18... I am still writing about your creative mind... your infectious laugh... and your tender soul. I know that I cannot slow down time... I can't freeze this age... so if you have to grow up... please always stay true to yourself... and whatever you do... make sure your decisions make you happy. No matter what, I will always be in your corner... cheering you on.

I love you, my little knucklehead.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

One day you are going to grow up... become a man. Hopefully find a woman you fall madly in love with and raise your own family... I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

Age 4 has been hard on me (and I know its just going to get harder the older you get) but man... 4 is hitting me hard. You are no longer my baby. You are so independent. You want to do everything on your own. You no longer need me as much for the little things. And its hitting me hard.  You want to do everything by yourself. The things you needed me for... I am no longer needed. And its weird... how bitter sweet this really is. How the first time you put your shoes on yourself... I was clapping at first so excited at this first moment... then it hit me. And I am literally about to cry because my son put on his own shoes (who is this woman?) It's hard. I want my baby... but I want him to start becoming a big boy. The other night after I brushed your teeth... you insisted you finished on your own. I just stood there watching you in the bathroom mirror when you looked at me and almost as if you could read my mind .. you said...."Mommy, I am a big boy... but still mommy's baby."

You most recently insisted on shaving like daddy. so we went out and got you a kit so you could do this in the bath tub... How much you watch your father and observe him is inspiring. You want to be just like daddy. I love when you eat all your food and exclaim "And now... I will be as big as daddy because my belly is filled with food!" Everything your father does... you mimic. You wear his shoes... his shirts... you copy phrases he uses... I love watching you admire him. It is such a great feeling realizing not only just how amazing you are as... but what an amazing dad you have that is giving you such a great example on what life is all about.

There is so much kindness in you. With your soft little voice. And your sincerity.... at the age of 4 you already have such a pure heart... and I never want to see that fade.There is so much sweetness in you. In moments in pours out. You will walk up to me, kiss my cheek and say "Mommy, I love you more than cookies" and I know how much cookies mean to you.. and that is your highest form of a compliment :) You will request that I hold your hand in the car when you feel sleepy. You will sing me songs about how we are best friends forever and ever. These moments ... make me know that even though I may not be perfect... I am doing something right.... something right to receive such a sweet boy.

Your imagination just keeps growing. And recently your imagination has come into play with your story telling. You come up with the most elaborate stories of how you beat up ninjas that break into your room. Or how you jumped off a building and tackled a spider.... so elaborate... so creative at just the age of 4. You play with action figures for hours and re-create scenes from TV shows and movies. And literally spend hours watching these figurines come to live before your own eyes. I have never and will never have an imagination so this is extraordinary for me to watch. Someone so intertwined in their own head... its amazing.

As a parent, I think a common fear is our children having the same insecurities as us. We take our flaws and hope that our kids are the opposite... but this age has made me realize how much alike me and you are in so many ways. You are shy and easily embarrassed in front of strangers. Once you warm up ... there is no stopping you. But that initial interaction terrifies you. This is one of the qualities you get from me. One that I wished I hadn't passed down to you... because I remember being that shy... to the point of not being able to move. I know that with time we will get through it... the more we put you in the more it will fade... but these next few years will be a struggle. And I hate experiencing this struggle from a parent's point of view. I wish I could just fix it and make it easier in a snap of my fingers. But I realize I have to keep forcing you into these situations... meeting new people and trying new things... and I know that with time... you will overcome this.

You do have some issues with sharing. Its hard. I realize that you are an only child... so your things are ... your things. but we are trying very hard on the sharing issue. You do get better as time goes on. The more time someone is here the better you are at sharing. however... one day you took all 57 of your action figures... Nana asked if she could play with you and you instructed her that you would play with all the action figures and she could pretend to be spider man using only her fingers. Luckily Nana is as stubborn as you... so in the end you cautiously shared one action figure ... but you kept one close eye on it at all times to make sure it was played with correctly.

You have just started getting into boardgames .. which makes your mom insanely happy. As mentioned I have zero imagination... so the requests of playing action figures is hard on me. Not to mention if I play wrong... you proceed to take all action figure privileges away from me. So boardgames are right up my alley. I love organized play and you love ... well everything. So we have started playing board games on Friday nights. This is quite possibly my favorite time of the whole weekend.

On another crazy note you somehow like my singing. Which is crazy. I dread the day that you realize just how terrible my voice is.... Right now, we will put you down to sleep and I will hear a small voice... asking "Mommy, will you sing to me" and we always agree on one song... and immediately following you are out.  One day I will sing and you will run the opposite direction.... but right now I am soaking up these moments when you do not know any better.

You are smart, emotional, stubborn, sentimental, brave, timid, always hungry, giggly, bashful, happy, loving, kind, playful, imaginative, unique, and overall simply perfect.

My sweet boy. I love you ever so much.

Love,
Mom

** for anyone new around here. I often try to post a Dear Maddux letter on my blog. It is a record keeper for me. A reminder of the little things.. what we are doing at this age. His personality. I save these and once I have collected enough I print them out in a book. Its a form of journaling for me... in hopes that I don't forget all of amazing tiny moments of his life.

Dear Maddux - Love Dad.

Dear Maddux,

A Summer to remember...
One of the greatest advantages I have with my job is that for the most part I have summers off. This gives a great opportunity to hang out with my best friend and this summer was no exception. Maddux, there were so many great moments that your mother and I got to share with you this summer but these are a few that I will never forget.

Your first year of T-ball...
This summer your mother and I signed you up for T-ball. In order to prepare you for this we signed you up for Basketball and indoor and outdoor Soccer. There you had a chance to get your first experience with some sort of physical education and coaching. Coach Alec stood out as your overall favorite and as luck/ a request form would it you were placed on his T-ball team which was ....The CUBS....Fate...
I remember your mother and I set out one evening to get you a bat and a bag for the games, however when I got to Dick's Sporting Goods those plans got thrown out the window. I was determined to make you look as if you were a major leaguer...When we got in we saw little baseball pants which were just too cute to pass up but led to blue baseball socks, which led to blue Under Armor cleats and of course a Cubs hat.
Outside of practices you and I would practice and as the season went on you became and great little ball player. As we worked we came up with verbal cues for the physical skills like throwing and it was so funny to hear you say "arm, foot, throw" for every throw or "1,2,3" before every swing....
I had so much fun watching you enjoy the game I grew up loving as a child...

Summer Vacation (St. Louis)
Your mother and I took you down to St. Louis to visit a couple of our friends from school who happen to have a daughter around your age. The whole weekend you guys played, fought about toys, and played some more. We went to the zoo one of the days we were down there and you always have fun at the zoo but this time we tried something new. You and Lily got your faces painted. Now this was something you asked for and I never thought in a million years that you would be able to stand still long enough to get it done. But you did and you were so proud and when you saw yourself in the mirror you got this little cheese ball grin and for the rest of the day you were no longer Maddux you were Batman.
On this trip we also got a chance to go to the City Museum. This place was amazing and I never knew it existed. You traveled throughout the Museum through tunnels and caves went up ladders and down slides but the most memorable thing you did was up on the roof. On the roof they had a couple of huge slides, slides that you would of thought would have been too big for you. But you are a dare devil you would climb these giant slides and whip down them just to go and run up to get right back in line you were a child without fear. We also took a ride on the fairs wheel located on the roof of the building mind you overlooking the city. Your mother and I are not fans of that particular ride and I hate heights all together but you again have no fear...The only thing that calmed me down during that ride was how at ease you were the whole time screaming out "I'm Superman!!! I'm Superman!!!)

Trampoline…
For Easter this year the bunny got you a trampoline. You loved going on it whenever you could which meant that I had to go on it too…You would make me chase you around pretending to be every comic book hero and villain there is, sometimes we were friends teaming up to stop Dr. Doom and other times mortal enemies(I was always the bad guy) wrestling and playing guns or lightsabers and of course the good guy always won.

Batmobile…
While your mother was surfing the Internet one day she came across an amazing toy. It was a Batmobile ride on that came complete with head lights, flashing lights, multiple audio sounds including the Batman theme song, and the coolest thing of all a remote control. Even though your birthday was ways away the deal was too good to pass up and ironically on my birthday it arrived in the mail. We put it together that night and immediately you put on your cape and cowl and began to patrol the streets .

Swimming Class…
We enrolled you in swimming classes that ended right around the time baseball did. This was your first time in a sport without coach Alec and some days were better than others. You did however have Ian, a new friend that you met during T-ball. My favorite part of swimming class was when you got to go down the slide. You again had no fear you climbed right up the stairs and while some kids you age would need a little push to get going you just whipped right down. We did get a chance however to see a little fear when you went off the diving board for that one an instructor did have to help you out, but hey you went off more diving boards that I have in the last decade.

My son the nudist...
This summer you also started going through a phase where you believe that clothes are optional. It seems that every time I turn around you go from being fully clothed to pants less to naked. It happens so often that your mother and I just laugh about it to ourselves. We had your cousins come over and spend the night one weekend and before they came over we sat down and talked to you about wearing clothes around the girls. When they were over the clothes stayed on up to about 10 secs after Aunt Holly pick them up, then off came the pants. They stay on in during daycare, if we are at someone’s house, and all public settings. It’s just something you like to do around the house. It’s like you come home and you’re like “finally I just want to relax and take my pants off”.

This summer has been amazing, Filled with memories that I will cherish the rest of my life and I’m looking forward to many many more adventures with my best buddy.

Love,
Dad

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,
I never want to forget how your whole face lights up when you see a jet in the sky. How you chase it around the yard squealing with delight because you think Super Man is off on a mission. And how you try … so bad with all your super hero strength to fly with him.

I never want to forget how in the middle of the night… you come in with both teddy bears, a lunch box of action figures and your Star Wars blanket dragging behind you to cuddle up in bed with us. You always tell me that puppy is scared and he wants to sleep with me.

I never want to forget how when I say no you look at me with the most adorable face and say “say yes mom” “pleeease” and when the answer is still no. You hug me… look at me straight on.. so serious and say “Mom, I like your hair. You’re pretty” Like this little Casanova move is going to change the answer… and I will let you run around outside with no clothes on while it’s raining.

I never want to forget how in the middle of a soccer game you find a dandelion and immediately stop playing. Pick the flower… and run over to me beaming and say “Mommy, I picked you a pretty flower”

I never want to forget how my kisses and ice cream with sprinkles… is the cure to anything and everything.

I never want to forget how much you love Nala, and when we are all in the car you insist that you two hold hands. And Nala just lays there while you clutch onto her paws.

I never want to forget that serious look on your face when you were explaining to me that Iron Man asked you for help, so this year Ho Ho needs to bring you shoes that will help you fly.

I never want to forget these little magical moments. These moments of Popsicle grins, milk mustaches, super heroes, smiles, squeals, and “Mom… Mom… watch this” Moments. I want to wrap all of these little moments and just hold onto them forever.

Thank you Maddux, for making my life magical all over again.

Love,
Mom

*** Photos were taken by Melody Ann Photography.
Which I am excited to tell you, she will be hosting a giveaway on my blog tomorrow!
Check back in tomorrow!

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

There is so much to say about you lately. You are growing up so fast... I cannot even believe it. What once was my baby... is determined to do everything on his own. Except... the one thing I am still good for is stuffing your weapons down the back of your shirts so you can have sneak attacks on the imaginary bad guys you are fighting tonight.  You are so determined even at the age of three, you are eager to do the same things as everyone else around you. Yet at the same time... you could sit and play alone and ignore everyone around you for hours. Your imagination gets me the most... I am in awe of it. I have never in my life had an imagination like you. You come up with story lines and get completely lost inside a world you create. It is incredible.

You are currently playing soccer which you seem to enjoy. You are excited to be there every single week. And you are one of the few that honestly listen to your coaches. I love how well you pay attention and that at such a young age you are so eager to please those who are teaching you.

You currently wake up in the middle of the night and climb into my bed. I have had people tell me this is a bad habit, but I do not mind at all. I know someday you will grow out of this... So I try to take my time and appreciate these moments with you because I know just how quickly they will fade.

You love puzzles... and you can work your way around an Ipad faster than I can most days. Its surprising to me how quick you catch on to technology... really how quick you catch on to anything. The one concept you don't fully grab onto yet (which cracks me up) is the whole Easter Bunny/Santa/Etc... I explained the bunny to you and said that the Easter bunny is like Ho Ho. So you immediately figured out just what toy you wanted... Darkside (an action figure from the 80s... apparently) so this weekend we went to an egg hunt where you met the Easter bunny... and you told him repeatedly about darkside... and when in return you got a piece of candy and stickers you were devastated because you were expecting your action figure in that moment. Pure devastation.
So we got home... and I tried to explain the bunny was coming to our house... so everyday for the past week you run around and look for that bunny every.single.morning.

You currently are eating me out of house and home. You are eating 2nds... 3rds... 3-4 snacks... a couple pieces of fruit... all before bed time. I have no idea where you are putting it. And everyone in the family is telling me to be ready for you to shoot out of your clothes overnight. So we are just waiting on that growing spurt at the moment.

Right now your dad is coaching volleyball, so your grandpa Mark is taking you over to your Aunt Holly's for an hour every night. Which you are loving. I have heard that there is crying and lots of I don't want to go homes... And even your cousin Aurora is in on it... shutting you in the bedroom and trying to convince your dad that you left and were no longer there :) I am glad that you are having so much fun with your cousins. My best memories are with my cousins... So it has always been important to me for you guys to be close.

You are also in the phase where we watch the same movie for a few weeks straight. Not once a night but sometimes 2-3 times a night.  So that has been.... fun :)

You also love to help. Whatever is going around in the house... (which we always have 1000 projects going on) You love to be right in the middle of all of it.. Your toy toolbox in hand and ready to go. Cutest thing ever.

You come home from daycare now with stories... so many stories and jokes where you will crack yourself up :) It is so crazy to me that we can sit at dinner and ask you about your day and you just go on and on and on.

Little man, you are growing so fast.... I cannot believe how fast this all goes. I try to remember to soak in all the small moments with you. You are the happiest kid with by far the biggest imagination I have seen. You are lovable and say I love you on your own which makes the sweetest moments.

Thank you Maddux for bringing so much laughter and so much happiness every single day. Your laughter is contagious... and you make me so proud...
The smallest moments.... the ninja fighting, hulk impersonations, you trying to convince me that we need to throw away all your toys and buy new ones because dad put them in the bath, your requests for peanut butter tacos... all these moments are by far the biggest moments of my life.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

You just recently turned 3 years old.

You still have a love of all things super hero. You will spend hours lining up your guys in an army formation. Then one by one you pull them out to battle... with dialogue that usually says. 'I'm Iron Man" "I'm Captain America" "I'm gonna get you" "No I'm gonna get you" Then a bunch of hi-yas. some grunting and grumbling. Ultimately one falls... and one is victorious then you repeat this with the next two characters battle.... This lasts for hours.

You hold Iron Man on an entirely different level than all other super heroes. I mean... Iron Man owns the bat-cave, Spiderman's playhouse, batman helicopter, numerous bat mobiles, Captain Americas motorcycle, Wolverine's helicopter, and pretty much any other superhero accessory ... once any superhero gets a vehicle or home... they immediately surrender it to Iron Man.

At three you have become even more defiant... and stubborn. And I can tell just from the past few months .. we are in for quite a year.

You have become more interested in different forms of play. You enjoy puzzles, play-doh, and games a lot more. You have also developed a love for puzzles on the iPad which makes going out to dinner a little easier now.

You are so much more vocal and entertaining. You are quite the story teller... full of facial expressions. I love watching you explain a situation. Your eyes light up... and you start going a mile a minute.

You have become much more affectionate recently. You love giving hugs and say I love you at random moments. These moments almost bring me to tears. The first time your kid looks at you and says I love you mom... completely unprompted.... Is unforgettable.

We signed you up for your first sport... Basketball. I was surprised they offered it in the range 3-5 year olds... I thought it might be a little tough. Well... you are the only three year old in your class... and it is a struggle. You do so well at stretching... running... and passing the ball. Dribbling and shooting... you try but since the other kids are so much older they can all do it and you can't so you immediately shut down. I can't blame you... You get that honest. I have always been a huge brat when I couldn't catch on quickly too... so I know that this is going to be a struggle :) But once we keep working on it and you start understanding more... we will be just fine :) You are doing awesome at basketball for only being three. I could not be more proud :)

You currently have an obsession with scrambled eggs and ketchup. Its constantly a request.

You love helping me cook. If anyone is cooking... you have to pull a chair up to the counter so you can help. You always want to be involved if anyone is doing anything :) No matter what ... you want to do it too:)

You love doing puzzles. Whether it be the wooden puzzles or puzzles on the IPad. You love doing them. You can sit for hours playing puzzles.

Your favorite game is still Candyland. I have been trying to get you to play Chutes and Ladders.. but within a few minutes you are ready to close it up and trade it in for Candyland.

Your coloring skills are getting better. Now they have been centered around the image on the coloring sheet. Its a scribble still... but very centered on the image. So I can definitely see an improvement.

We are constantly working on manners. Seems to be a day to day lesson. You have been doing very well with your pleases and thank yous :)

It is crazy how independent you have gotten. You rarely want help. You want to try to do everything yourself and get upset if I try to help without you asking.  You are growing up so fast little man. You are becoming quite the character. You can always make me laugh... your crazy dance moves and the pure excitement from just the mention of superheroes cracks me up.

You are nothing less than amazing and I cant wait to see what is in store for us over the years.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Sweet Maddux,

You are knocking on the door of officially being a three year old.

In the past few months... You have definitely started testing your boundaries more. Trying to figure out just how far you could push your parents. This has been a struggle both ways. But nothing too crazy. except for the one time... you thought you would punish us by throwing yourself backwards on the stairs (because I wanted you to put on pants before we went to the store)... Thank God you were okay. And this is not something you have even tried to repeat.

You still have quite the imagination. More imagination than your mom knows what to do with. You can play beat up the pretend villains for hours.  My favorite thing currently is you start out as either Captain America or Iron Man. But then one of these imaginary villains gets you and knocks you over... which brings out the hulk in you. Which means you stand up slowly snarling and growling. Then proceed to pace while growling louder and louder til you are almost screaming. Then you explode with energy and smash the bad guys. I think people would think you were off your rocker if they watched this .... but I understand your love for the Avengers. So this scene makes perfect sense to me. And I love it.

You have started enjoying puzzles and boardgames within the past few weeks. Which I love. However... now you want to get each board game out... every tiny piece out. Look at it... spread it out on the floor... table.. wherever... then you get bored within about 2 minutes. and get out the next one... so I will walk upstairs after making a cup of coffee and there are at least 5 board games just spread about the playroom. Awesome.

You started Pre-School at Daycare this fall. Everyday we get in the car and I ask you... "Maddux what did you do at school today" And everyday... I get the answer "I played with Josh!" Apparently that is your BFF at the moment. If I continue to pry... you just start listing out all the kids at daycare. But you are excited about it... so at least you are enjoying yourself at daycare :)

You are singing your ABCs to Mom in the car every morning. Your version goes... ABCD, ABC.... up and down. beep beep beep... ABCD, ABC... Sing with me. But honestly... its the best ABC's I have ever heard.

You can now count to 15, except you skip the number 4. You refuse to say it. It's strange. Even more strange... I am going to be upset the day you actually start throwing that four in there...  And you can point out about 7 letters in books. Its amazing how much you are learning! You know Mommy's name and Daddy's name. But when I tell you Nala is our Dog... you look at me and say... Nooooo Mommmy you are silly... She is Nala.

You are currently obsessed with hot dogs. That is all you ever want to eat. Hot Dogs... All. The. Time. And I should mention. You want them cold. You love hot dogs cold :)

You have a high appreciation of each and every one of your grandparents. Which makes me insanely happy. You love all of them... and you get soooo excited when you see any of them. I love that you realize just how important they are. Whenever they stop by... You squeal "Nana/Papa/MeeMaw/Grandpa are home!!!!! They are home!!!!"

You are sneaky. And you figured out quick how to climb the pantry cabinet to get the cookies. You little stinker. :)

Anytime we see a jet stream in the air. You get excited... because you believe that is Super Man. (I never want this to change... ever)

You love to talk to people. You will talk to anyone. You are my little social butterfly.

You have recently started calling Mickey Mouse... Mickey. Which breaks my heart. The days of "Bucko" are disappearing fast.

Everyday... is such an adventure with you. Living life through your imagination. Seeing the simplest things, through your eyes... is extraordinary. I am so thankful for your smile... That little grin of yours every morning... makes me realize just how lucky I am.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

In the past few months you have changed drastically. You are developing more and more of a personality... almost hourly. Time goes by so fast... so watching you play the other night made me realize... I needed to capture who you are right now.. at this moment.  You are a week shy of being 2.5 years old.

Some days... I understand the term terrible two's actually some days I believe... they should have that phrase in the dictionary... with your photo next to it. No words needed. Some days :)

You are definitely far more resistant... and stubborn. And independent. You want to do things your way... by yourself. You do not want any help. And when you do not get your way... it is pure devastation. I swear the world just ended... and there is no distracting you... you are adamant. You don't give up... and you do not forget what you were upset about. Stubborn. Stubborn. little man :) But that pouting face... is adorable. And it kills me to say no. But I am learning to stand my ground with you. Even if that means having to walk away from you... because I have issues saying no to that sad puppy dog look you give me.

Overall though... Terrible twos are not that terrible. The opposite of terrible honestly. Two has been the age that your personality has started to shine through. And it has been incredible watching you develop into your own little self. You absolutely hands down have my facial expressions... and as your Nana says... I deserve every dirty look you hand me... But you have your Dad's imagination. You can sit and play with action figures for hours... you create scenes and dialogue. {Even though we have no idea what you are saying....most of the time}

Your imagination is astonishing. Not only do you just play action figures... but you have us put you in your Captain America costume... and you fight imaginary bullies... you create these elaborate fight scenes.. I honestly believe you think you are a super hero... and you are in fact saving the world :)

You love chasing your girl cousins around the yard... growling and using the force push on them. And the smile on your face while they squeal and run from you... is Simply Priceless.

You love being outside. And you have a new found love for Rocks! I haven't figured out what your obsession with them are...but you will stop mid sprint... across the yard if you find a new rock. I have to empty rocks out of your pockets before you come inside daily.

Lately... you have been running to me when I pick you up from daycare... Arms spread ready to give me a giant hug... which is awesome. Considering ... that ... for months. you ran from me screaming "No Mommy!" However... to be honest. you run to me give me a big hug... usually say Hi Mommy. Then immediately follow that up with. "I want Nana" :)

You still are completely devoted to Nala. She sleeps at the foot of your bed nightly. You still enjoy sharing your food with her... mainly the food you refuse to eat. So any sort of vegetable.. or meat. Except hot dogs... you love your hot dogs.

Nap time is getting harder. You now... get out of bed and decide to play rather than nap. I have taken toys out of your room thinking... that will stop him. Only to come up and find you taking on imaginary villains... (sigh) its adorable though.

You have now learned... to fist bump. High-fiving is apparently for babies. Big boys... fist bump

You have an obsession with the Avengers. I mean... an obsession.  I am positive...you dream of becoming an Avenger when you grow up....

My little superhero...

Love,

Mom

Dear Maddux

Dear Maddux,

You are now ... almost 28 months old... and in the past few months you have changed so much. On a daily basis I am shocked at how fast this is going, how quickly you are growing up... you are developing your own little personality. And let me tell you.. You are quite the little spitball :)

You are so obsessed with Star Wars right now... Its unreal. You refuse to fall asleep unless you have your Star Wars movie on... and your star wars figurines in your bed with you. You will battle to the death with light sabers 24 hours a day if at all possible. You have currently learned that if your light saber gets knocked out of hand... you can use a force push to defend yourself. However.. this force push is only one sided... It only works for you. Apparently this move does not phase you .. if used against you :) Your love for Star Wars is adorable. What 2 year old begs to watch the 1970s movies... you do not want the cartoon clone wars... you want... episodes 4,5, & 6. You do not like the newer ones because... you have a fascination with Darth Vader. I am worried about the day you realize he is in fact evil. I am afraid this is going to break your heart. Or ... well maybe you already know this... and wish to join the Dark Side of the force.  Time will tell :) I love the way your eyes light up... whenever we watch the movies.

You can give dirty looks like no other. Sadly... I believe you have gotten these honest though... from your mom :)
But if looks could kill... you have these down. You don't get your way... and wow... :)

Your favorite thing to eat right now.. is Peanut butter and Nutella wraps. You could eat those all day everyday. You applaud me while I get it ready for you. And of course you still love apples, bananas and oranges :)

Your imagination is inspiring. I could sit and watch you play for hours. You are constantly taking toys away from your Mom... because she does not play the way you would like her to. But you insist I sit right next to you on the floor and watch you play.

I have been woken up to light sabers to the face... more times then anyone could imagine.

You are not sleeping through the night yet. It is a constant battle every night. Maddux, Your mom misses sleep. Please let her sleep. Please :)

You still cannot go to bed without your teddy bear "Oh No" and your stuffed puppy. And Nala has to sleep with you every single night. She use to fight this... now she just follows you up to your bed willingly. You two are the best of friends. Its adorable.

I do not believe you know how to walk. You are always running. Always. All you ever want to do is GO GO GO! Always keeping your parents busy!

You have decided that you hate taking baths. You hate water in general. You hate baths. You hate the pool. Its such a battle to get you in the tub. I am hoping that changes.... this summer. Hopefully we can get you to love the pool :)

You have absolutely no fear of strangers. This is the scariest thing to me ever. You will talk to anyone. You are so outgoing and adorable... you love talking to people.

You love to shake your booty. It is the best little dance ever!

You have learned to use the sad puppy dog eyes to your advantage. Already. I am in trouble.

Your vocabulary is growing everyday. Its amazing how fast you are growing up. You still love Nala more than anything... and I love watching the bond between you grow. You inspire me to be a better person.... You are my everything.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux...

Dear Sweet Maddux,

Tomorrow.... you are turning two. It feels like a few months ago we were just leaving the hospital with you. It is unsettling how quick two years has come and gone. Every single day... I wish for more time.... just a few more hours to play with you, talk to you.... or even just to watch you. One of the best parts of being a mom... is being able to observe you.. and watch you become this little amazing person. And your dad and already claiming personality traits. And at two... I can see an equal balance of your dad and I in you. You are hard-headed and stubborn like your momma. You have your fathers imagination and facial expressions. You are gentle at times... crazy at others. The sound of your laughter ... makes me smile.

At the age of two...

You adore your Papa and you Grandpa... and since they have been coming over the new house with tools helping us fix it up. You have developed a strong obsession for tools. And the play ones wont do. You are only satisfied with the tools they have. You walk around the house and pretend to screw on door knobs.... screw together table legs... etc.

You cannot fall asleep without the teddy bear your great grandma gave you last Christmas. This has become your security blanket. You have named your Bear "Oh no" ... which I love.

You still love your dog Nala more than anything. You search for her first thing in the morning... the first thing when you walk through the door... and you have to have her in your bed to fall asleep. This relationship brings tears to your sappy Mommy's eyes even thinking about this as I type.

You are quite grasping the concept of Christmas this year... not yet. You are understanding some things. You see Santa and shout out "HO HO!!" You have been loving all the Christmas cookies... maybe a little too much ;) You love sitting under the tree and playing with your choo-choo. Which makes your daddy smile because that is a memory he had with his parents when he was young too. A few concepts this year that we are struggling with... the advent calendar.. we have given up on. you don't understand that the one treat a day is actually something to be happy about. you point at it... shout.. and actually stomp your feet (as if screaming welcome to Age 2 mom!) And Christmas ornaments... you see them as "Balls" which get thrown as hard as you can into a wall 10 inches from you... which also isn't all that fun for mommy.

Your favorite foods are Macaroni and Cheese, Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches, Tacos, Cottage cheese, and Apples. And well you of course have a sweet tooth like your Momma. Thankfully, because daddy never wants sweets... so now I have someone to share with :)

You are starting to put words together now... and most of the time I can understand what you are trying to say. Which is surreal. I mean a few short months ago you were barely saying a few words and here you are communicating. Again... time is going by too fast!

We have moved you from the crib into a big boy bed. You still aren't completely sold on the idea yet but we are making progress... slow but steady progress :)

Your favorite game is running.. and having anyone around that is willing chase you. You could run for days.... I am falling down from exhaustion and you are ready and willing to keep going... as people say "I wish I could bottle up that energy and sell it"

You love coloring. You could sit and color for hours....

Mommy's Favorite Moment as of currently.... The nights daddy has volleyball... we crank up the music and pretend like the broom is a microphone... and we dance and dance... You love to sing and slide on the kitchen floor. Best.Moments.Ever.

You still love to read books... I hope you keep that love of books forever.

And even though I loved your long hair. Cutting your hair... and spiking it... is the cutest thing I have ever seen! 

After you sing, fall, laugh, play.... anything... you will randomly throw your arms up and yell "ta-da" which is pure awesomeness.

You love spending time with your cousins. Which makes me feel this sense of warmth... watching you play with them. Family means a lot to me... and most of my fondest memories include my cousins... so that is something I want you to experience. I hope you are as close to your cousins as I am to mine. Family is important and this is something me and your father hope to instill on you.... We hope you learn that those are the people you support, confide in, and love. They become your best friends... and are there for you when you need it. As you are for them.

It is mind blowing to believe that 2 years ago... you were a tiny baby.... who couldn't talk, walk, smile, giggle... run... scream...

I have the noisy house of a toddler... and I wouldn't change that wonderful noise for the world.

Happy Birthday My Handsome Boy!

Love,
Mom

Dear Maddux....

Dear Maddux,

You are currently 21.5 months old.. and recently I have had my breath taken away realizing... you are no longer a baby at all. You are a little person. It is so hard to explain to people without kids... how the smallest things you do can break me into tears... parenthood is bittersweet. I am so excited about all the new things you are doing... and looking forward to all the new things to come. But I just want it to slow down... I want more time to watch you now... to make sure I have burned every single moment into my memory... so I can hang on to this moment... this very moment.... forever.

You are still currently obsessed with Toy Story. In fact we had to buy you new shoes the other day... I handed you some awesome light up spiderman shoes... and you saw the Toy Story shoes... and kicked your feet screaming Woody! I have bought those exact Toy Story shoes twice now... and all I wanted was some new shoes on those feet... but no. my stubborn boy had to have his Woody & Buzz light up shoes. I handed them over... to where you immediately hugged them and tried to put them on your feet yourself. You won... again.

Driving in the car this weekend... Daddy and I were laughing... because we had a glimpse of you in the pool in a few years. You kept yelling "Mommy... Mommy" and I would turn and say "Yes baby" and you would show me a new toy... or your hand.... or just smile.. and you continued this for about 30 minutes straight. It reminded us of the kids in the pool yelling "Mom... Mom...MOM ... watch this!!!!!"

You love to look at our family photo books and point out all of the people you know.  But when we point at the baby and say "Maddux" You shut the book on us and yell "NO. Baby!" 

You have the best laugh I have ever heard. It is the most awesome little laugh....

You now say "Love you" to us at bedtime... every night on your own. The first time you did that...  words cannot even explain the emotions ...

You are talking all the time... and its awesome how easy it has been to understand you... and how much you are now understanding.

You make the Darth Vader breathing noise when you see him... or pick up a light saber... or really play with any Star Wars toy... which brings your dad almost to tears ... he is so proud!

You love Nala... She is your best friend... you love giving her kisses... reading her books... talking to her... and chasing her.  I love watching you two play.... best friends :)

You love playing with action figures... you will sit with them and just talk to yourself and laugh... and laugh. I have no idea what scenarios you are playing out... but you find them HILARIOUS.

You love saying hi to anyone that will listen. We go shopping and its just "Hi" "Hi" "Hi" the whole way through!

You love to dance... Music plays and you stand up and start dancing. You dance like a sumo wrestler... getting ready to attack... you kick out your legs and squat. Funniest dance ever!

You love marching through the house... I will yell READDDDDDYYYY March... and we will march throughout the house together... you giggling the whole time :)

You love staying at daycare... you never want to leave their playground :) I don't take it personally you don't want to leave.. instead I am thankful you enjoy it there so much. I am happy that you are having fun and have such great people taking care of you while I have to work.

I picked you up from daycare and Brittni said... Maddux wanted to put stuff in his pockets like all the other boys... So we got home. I cleaned out your pockets to find....

How did you pack so much stuff in those tiny little pockets?!?!?!?!

And tonight you got your first big boy haircut..... which you growled at the lady who was cutting your hair... maybe I should stop referring to Nala as your sister for a while ;)

This haircut makes you look so much older.... I cant believe it.
My handsome... handsome... handsome little man :)

Slow down kid on that whole growing up thing... you are breaking your momma's heart.

Love,
Mom

18 Months... and getting bigger by the second.

Dear Maddux,

Here are a few of my favorite things you are doing at 18 months.

You now know where your Eyes, Ears, Mouth, Nose, Hands, Feet, Belly button, and Head are when asked. When prompted … You can point at your eye.. and also say eye. You point at your nose… your ears… you tap your head. You open your mouth as wide as you can… to show us your mouth. You LOVE  lifting your shirt to find your belly button. You can bend down to show us your feet. And you raise up your hand in a “what” motion to show us your hands.

However you are such a stubborn little guy you refuse to do this when I want to show anyone. So you make momma look like a liar… which I honestly think you understand and find hilarious.

Your newest words include – Up, No, GO, Car, Three!

You now will put your hands up and yell up when you want to be held.

I only hear no when I am trying to feed you. Lately you hate 90% of food I give you.

You LOVE to yell GO GO GO at Nala!

You have a new obsession for cars!!!!!! Anytime you see them you yell CAR!

Three… anytime I throw you, swing you, twirl you. I count… one…. Two… and we both yell THREE!

Your daddy loves to read to you in voices… his favorite is to read you your Cookie Monster book in the Cookie Monsters voice. Now… when you pick up that book… you imitate that voice… and although you sound like you are growling at your book… it’s the cutest thing I have ever seen…

You now sing along to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. And honestly… you do it to the right melody. Absolutely amazing.

You now also love to color. And even though you still try to eat the crayons… we have made improvement. Baby steps…. Baby steps.

And even though you are being a picky little eater yesterday. You are always willing to eat a Taco. You love them.

When asked for hugs and kisses you now willingly give them away with a huge cheesy smile… it completely melts my heart.

In the mornings… you love to follow me around and do everything I do. You want to brush your hair when I am brushing mine… you have to sit in my lap while I do my makeup…. And when I take a sip of coffee you want one too (don’t worry… I don’t tilt the cup… its just pretend coffee)

You love to talk away on the phone… you just talk and talk and talk. And when you get real excited you get your finger going… and you are scolding the phone…. Hilarious.

You are a little dare devil… no fear … always ready to go!

In the past 18 months… I have watched you turn into a toddler. You are so independent, and you want to do everything yourself. Its bittersweet watching your independence grow. I love watching you discover the world… with excitement and completely fearless. But you growing up so fast… is so hard for a mom. I see my baby boy disappearing and although I am excited about these new stages we are entering… I want to hold onto all of these little moments with you…. Lock them up and keep these feelings… these memories in my heart forever.

201. Little Moments ... bringing Huge Smiles.

202. Cowboy Picnics

203. Corn on the Cob

204. Family walks after work

205. sweaty curly hair... as seen above :)